And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
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To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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