Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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