Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
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I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
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I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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