a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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