Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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