I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
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I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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