I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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