I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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