I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
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Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
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God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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