I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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