do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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