If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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