I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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