the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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