u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
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I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
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Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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