I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
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you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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