STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize