i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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