why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize