Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
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I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
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Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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