she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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