I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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