Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize