We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
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Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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