see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
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I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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