You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So squirting runs in the family.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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