I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize