we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
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just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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