I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize