Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
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But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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