yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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