i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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