somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
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i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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