I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize