Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
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I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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