Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
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just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
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I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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