May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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