Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
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he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
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It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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