found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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