I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
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I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
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Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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