Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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