Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
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I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
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Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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