My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
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We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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