I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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