Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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