Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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