i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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