Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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