Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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