Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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